Tuesday, 30 August 2005

We are stopping you doing it for our own good.

Once again it is censorship time.

In a typical massive over reaction to a single violent crime the British government has announced a new range of laws. To quote the BBC, "Possessing and accessing extreme internet pornography could become illegal under government proposals."

Some upper class, public school, inbred, catholic, social working tosser has now decided that freedom of thinking is a bad idea. Paul Goggins, the aforementioned tosser and government minister, appeared on the BBC Radio 4's Today programme and said "The aim is for a new offence of possessing violent and abusive pornography, which could be punishable by up to three years in prison." He also went on to say "such images were extremely offensive to the vast majority and had no place in society."

Well, shit for brains, you clearly have not noticed, they are not in society they are on the internet. On the internet is not the same thing as being in society. Items for sale in a registered sex shop are not said to be littering the high street or even on public display. To get them you first have to enter the sex shop. The conscious and deliberate decision to enter the foul smelling and unpleasant premises first has to made, then the action of walking in taken. Entrance to these places is protected by "adults only" signs and parents. Particularly fathers, who can often be seen outside such establishments, punching their offspring whilst shouting "Follow me in there again you little shit and you will be for it."

I have never accessed the type of material that is worrying St Goggins of Wythenshawe, but I do have extremely questionable taste when it comes to the matter of sexual gratification. What those tastes are, are my own business, not for display or discussion with the general public. They do not involve animals, unwilling participants, children or St Goggins. So fuck off and mind your own business, what I get up to is absolutely no concern of yours. My tastes are like my opinions, mine. I do not need the likes of that bucktoothed old bitch who is always banging on about children's rights or St. Goggins to tell me what my opinions ought to be. I do not need having my shit ruined by the likes of St Goggins controlling my access to the internet because he can not stop his own, inbred, children using a computer. If parents do not know how to control their child's activities, make it illegal for them to own one (child that is, not a computer).

Since access is to be controlled, how is it to be decided what is unfit for the great unwashed to view without breaking the law by having somebody look at it? And how are they going to look at it without themselves becoming mass murderers? Which is what it all comes down to. St Goggins and that bucktoothed old bitch refer to the general populace as 'ordinary' people, the implication being that they are somehow extraordinary and not subject to the passions and impulses that plague and control 'ordinary' people. What political lackeys forget is that my taxes pay their wages and they only have a job because I choose to vote. They are servants of society, a society of which I am an active member.

Whilst I am obviously open to the corrupting influence of any sort of media, our political lackeys, who consider themselves our betters, also consider themselves above such vulgarism. Such attitudes can be summed up by the prosecuting barrister at the obscenity trial of Lady Chatterley's Lover, who famously said "Is this really the sort of book you would want your wife or even your servants to read?" To which somebody replied "I do not care if my wife or my servants read it, just so long as it is not my bloody game keeper!"

Thursday, 5 May 2005

Just Give Us Your Fucking Money

Make talentless wankers history

Lately it seems that every time I turn on my television set, that fat, useless, Irish wanker, Dildo, is there, snapping his fingers. This is, apparently, something to do with a charity called "make poverty history", an organisation that aggressively promotes capitalism over indigenous lifestyles in third world countries. I have never figured out what the finger clicking is about, I just watch long enough to realise that Dildo has absolutely no sense of timing whatsoever.

This advert is one of a plethora of charity ads currently doing the rounds. They usually consist of some terrible scene of torture with a lugubrious voice over saying.

"See this, this is all your fault this is. You are doing this to this poor child/animal/third world county. This is happening because you wont give us your fucking money. That's right. This child/animal/third world country is being tortured because you spent your hard earned cash on a well deserved holiday instead of giving it to us, you bastard. Just because you spend sixty hours a week working in a shitty cubicle farm in conditions that a battery farmed pig would not put up with, does not give you the right to spend your own money on yourself. This is your fault, so give us your fucking money."

Usually voiced by some "personality" who has more money than you will ever see in your entire working life.

Bad enough that someone of absolutely infinitesimal talent has a colossal amount of money. At least I avoided contributing to that by not buying their shit CDs. He is now on my television, which I have to pay to watch, listening to him tell me how good capitalism is for the third world. Because if you think for one minute that some local warlord or drug cartel is not going to exploit "fair trade" for their own capital gain, then you are even more stupid than I think you are. For reference, I already think you are pretty damn stupid. European farming practises are not suitable for the plains of central Africa, you only have to see the damage caused to the local ecosystem by the sinking of a single well to realise that. The water taken from the well is great for the local, non nomadic, villagers and their livestock. But totally shit for the wildlife and the indigenous nomadic people who used to rely on having a decent water table.

Now, to top it all, I am one of the worlds poor, having eventually been laid off. Good. It was a shit company and I wanted a break anyway. In a classic piece of management cock up, the redundancy notices were handed out on a Friday. This Friday, however, was the first of April traditionally called April Fool's day. Some of the drones who were getting the chop thought it was a joke and were confused, others upset, or, like me after finding out it was not a joke, elated. Either way we all reacted in the same manner and trashed the place. The money saved from giving us the shove will be spent on rebuilding the majority of the office block that we managed to destroy. A few managers will be on extended sick leave, recovering in traction after having their shit totally ruined. I am thinking of starting a charity to help keep up the payments on my mortgage. All I need is to get hold of some media personality. I do not care if he is willing to give up his time and effort to aid the cause. If they are so passionate about it, let them give up their money, ALL of it. Sell the jets, the houses and the limo's and go back to living on a council estate with nothing to keep them warm but their total lack of talent. And get off my fucking television.

Tuesday, 25 January 2005

There is no more music

Who are the real thieves?

Christmas has just past and I have no doubt that music and films on digital versatile media made up a substantial number of the gifts given this year. Which is strange when you consider that they do not exist. Popular music does not exist, no music is currently being produced. There are no films being made and there are no cinemas. Any you do happen across must merely be a figment of your imagination. I know that these previous statements are true because the film making industry, which obviously no longer exists, says they are true.

This was said in 1982. Jack Valenti stated, categorically, that if the video cassette recorder and the blank recordable video cassette tape were not banned, then the film and music making industry would cease to exist. Since they were not banned and Valenti is not a liar, then the entertainment industry as we know and hate it, must have been bankrupted some time in the early 1990's. Long before the advent of home broadband and its' ability to download and distribute music and film. The unthinkable alternative is that Jack Valenti is just a worthless, lying, gobshite. A tool of the talent repressing media cartels that fill our lives with so much unmitigated rubbish.

So what is the truth of the current state of the music industry. According to the BBC news service album sales have never been better, ever. Which is disappointing since music has never been worse, ever, with the possible exception of punk. Despite recent reductions, which have caused an increase in sales and overall profits, CD's are still massively overpriced. The record companies, and Valenti, claim they are recovering development costs. An out and out lie and a fucking cheek because Phillips did all the development and gave away the technology, the same as they did for the music cassette in 1970. The music cassette, for the younger reader, was responsible for the death of the music industry in the seventies which is why the CD was not invented by the music industry.

The problem with the cartels is that they do not understand music or entertainment, only the business. They call all artists content providers, whether they be musicians or film directors. It does not matter to the suits what the content, or even the nature of the content, is, they want something they can force sell. That is why we have to put up with the truly hopeless being judged by the absolutely worthless and then being asked to fork out hard earned cash to buy the result, or pop idol as it is called. This leaves us with the obscene spectacle of the utterly talentless Mariah Carey being paid £20,000,000 to not record any more music.

The cartels have embraced the evil that is the download and now sell music over the internet. Should they be applauded for this step into the twentieth century, despite the fact the rest of us are in the twenty first? Hardly. iTunes have already been reported for overpricing their produce.

I have been accused of being cynical by just about everybody I have ever met. Yet even I would not have the balls to implement the latest Brittany Spears scam. An album of her greatest hits has just been released. Greatest hits albums used to be targeted at the occasional fan, someone who does not want the entire catalogue but would pay for a compendium of the artists best work. Not anymore. This album has four previously unreleased tracks on it. Die hard fans now have to get mummy to buy this album for them, even though they already possess eighty percent of the content (sic).

Stealing music via the internet apparently funds global terrorism and drug trafficking. Having had my shit ruined by both terrorism and drugs I will state now, unequivocally, it is a price I am prepared to pay if it means an end to Valenti, Glickman and the soulless drivel that is spewing out of my television, cinema and radio.